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Star Trek Ritual

The Golden Dawn cipher manuscripts were used to create the Golden Dawn rituals.  They provided the skeleton for all the rituals from 0=0 to 4=7.  However Mathers was looking at the ritual through a late Victorian Masons eyes, he could have easily have created a different ritual.  What would have happened if the Cipher manuscript had been found in the Star Trek universe?    Newly created from the cipher manuscripts is the Star Trek opening (and it really is created from the ciphers with a little tweaking). 

Officers of the Golden Dawn robed up for the ritual.

All assemble put on uniforms, communicators, etc.

Captain: Officers of the Bridge, assist me to accelerate this ship to warp speed.

Communications officer: Hailing all hostiles to leave the sector:

Captain: Security see that the ship is properly shielded and protected.

Security Officer: I have scanned the sector and have found no enemy vessels. The ship’s shields are fully functional, captain.

Captain: Who are the bridge officers.

Head of Security: They are the Captain, the First Officer and the Head of Security.

Captain: What do they have in common?

Head of Security:  They all are members of Star Fleet and obtained top grades. They also have American accents and are men.

Captain: What are the other officers?

Head of Security: The Communications officer, the Science officer and the Medical officer.l  The Cheif Engineer is at his station off the bridge.

Medical Officer: I am in the South the point of over emotion and arm waving.  I carry the tricorder which makes a sound like wibbly woo and I scan the candidate to see he does not have klingons.

Science Officer: I am in the North the point of coldness and logic and I wear the pointy ears and the symbol of raised eyebrow.  I look into the little box and I scan the potential candidate with cold facts.

Communciations Officer: I am inside the door, and I talk to strange beings with my clunky earings. I announce that beings are ignoring our hails, and that the universal communicator is broken.

First Officer: I wander freely about the bridge and reconcile the science officer and the medical officer.  It is my task to lead the away teams, but also to rescue the captian when he insists on going on an away team.   I shoot first and ask questions later.

Security Officer:  My place is in the west and I wear the red teeshirt of office, which means that I am usually the first person to die.  I carry a phaser which is usually set to kill.

Captain:  My place is in the super comfy chair with the buttons and I rule the bridge. I am power, light, mercy and wisdom and I rule the ship in the name of Star Fleet.

Science officer purifies with cold Logic and Science.  Raises tricorder and says: 
“The needs of the many out way the needs of the few it is logical.”

Medical Officer consecrates with emotions.  Raises tricorder and says:
“Damn it, man, I’m a doctor, not a physicist!”

Captain:  Warp speed
Everyone lines up in the North East and circumabulates three times.

Captain: We are at warp factor three let us give reference to our creator. Face screen and say:

Holy art thou Gene Roddenberry
Holy art thou who created the Star Trek Multiverse
Holy art thou who created the mighty  “The City on the Edge of Forever” episode
And also the terrible Wesley Crusher (shake head slowly)

|Captain: Communications officer I ask that you declare that the ship is at warp speed.
Communications officer: In the name of the Captain I declare that the ship is at warp speed and the Kingons flee away.

Captain  Phasors

Securty  On

First Officer Stun

Security Boldly

First officer GO

Captain: Where

Security: no one

Captain: Has gone

First Officer: Before

Make signs at captain’s chair and make a vibrate a shhhhhhh noise.

5 thoughts on “Star Trek Ritual

  1. I always feel, when i am on the hierophant throne, like kirk on his comfy chair, brigning candate to where nobdy have gone before.

  2. Hilarious, I thought I had “seen ’em all” when it comes to ST spoofs. One, of many reasons that ST is such a phenomenon is that the characters are archetypes. We relate to archetypes in many facets of our lives. Archetypes can be renamed and used in other specific storylines because they hold universal roles in human relationships. (You could so a ST Founding Fathers, a ST Bolshevic Revolution, a ST Iraq War.) You did it well I salute you.

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